Become a better mother

Becoming a mother is probably the most important role you will ever have in life. When you become the parent of a child, your priorities will suddenly shift, and your perspectives on life will change. Your focus will be on what is best for your child. Of course, you want to be the best mother you possibly can, but how do you know that you are doing a fantastic job, and what can you do to improve?

One of the first points you need to remember is that nobody is perfect. This holds true for mothers especially. Once you become a mother, you will be introduced to the world of guilt. That’s right, guilt. You will spend your days and nights questioning every decision and justifying each choice that you make regarding your child. You may be justifying these decisions to others from time to time, but probably your toughest critic will be yourself. Are you doing the best for your child? Can you become a better parent? Only you know the answers to these questions, but there are some things you can consider that just might help you become a better mother. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t a good mother already. It just means that there are some issues you may need to take a look at and some areas you could possibly improve in.

Many mothers wish they had more patience on a daily basis. You may need more patience to deal with your child’s constant whining. You may wish you had more patience to deal with your children’s bickering and sibling rivalry. Maybe you just wish you had more patience to deal with your toddler’s endless questions or your teen’s sullen attitude. You are not alone. Patience is a big part of mothering, and there will be times when you need to be extremely patient.

When you clearly feel that you are all out of patience, take a moment to flash forward to the future. One day, your toddler will be a teen who won’t want or need your wisdom. Today, your toddler looks at you with adoring eyes, and he believes that you can fix everything. Once he’s a teen, however, he may only roll those eyes at you when you try to offer advice. If you want to become a better mother, try to be a more patient one.

Although you may hold down a full-time job and handle many demands every day, your child still needs your time. This may mean that you need to neglect other demands in your life, such as a clean house or a full-course meal. When you really stop to consider your life, though, is a spotless floor really worth the extra time that you might have to take from your child? Does your son or daughter really care if you have a gourmet meal on the table?

Take some time to crawl down the hall with your baby chasing after you. Help your toddler work that new puzzle. Spend an evening finger painting with your five-year-old. Even though your pre-teen may not show it, she needs you, too. Plan a shopping trip that focuses only on her. You don’t have to spend much money, but you can enjoy spending an afternoon together. Make sure you stop for ice cream on the way home.

Your teenager wants you at his sports or other extracurricular events, even if he doesn’t show it. Show him that he is important by supporting his hobbies and interests. Don’t worry if he doesn’t talk to you very much. It will make a difference that you took the time to be there for him. The important thing is that you give of yourself.

Finally, try to find and keep a sense of humor. Life is tough, and there will be difficult times along the way. Once you become a mother, you can’t just quit, even though there will be days when you will want to throw up your hands and walk away. Try to realize that more than likely the situation isn’t as bad as it seems. Teach your child how to handle life’s unexpected curves by handling things with humor, if you can. Sometimes, the only way to survive life is to laugh your way through it. Show your child that you can find the good in even the worst of times. As you improve yourself, you can become an even better mother than you already are!

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Advice for working mothers: managing stress

Working mothers are subject to stresses from every facet of their lives. They deal with home and family issues as well as job stress on a daily basis. So, what can a working mom do to manage this stress load?

1. Prioritize

At home and at work, perform triage on your life. What things are critical and must be handled quickly and only by you? Do your critical and complex tasks first, leaving the mundane and boring for later; those trivial tasks are easier to do when you are tired or can be delegated to others later.

2. Identify your stresses

Everyone has tasks they enjoy and others that cause them stress or distress. The amount of stress a task causes is not always directly proportional to the difficulty of the task or the time the task actually takes. So, for someone cleaning a toilet may be more stressful than planning a week’s menus and grocery shopping. Identify your most stress-provoking tasks and work to remove them from your life or minimize their impact on you. Maybe a particular combination of events or tasks causes dissonance for you; work to deal with those issues one at a time. For example, get as many routine tasks out of the way as possible before handling a special event that needs extra attention.

3. Let some things slide

Once you’ve prioritized your life you will see that some things routinely fall to the bottom of the list. Ask yourself whether those things really even need to get done. Is it critical that you take homemade cookies to back-to-school night or would bakery bought offerings be just fine? Will anyone really care if you only dust on top of your refrigerator twice a year instead of twice a month? Carefully evaluate the time consuming tasks in your life and determine which you can do less frequently or not at all.

4. Make time for yourself

Yes, it sounds easier than it actually is, but this may be the most important thing a working mother can do. Schedule time into your week for pursuits that are just for you. While you may enjoy your work and the time you spend with your partner, it is important to do some things just because they feel good for you. This may be as simple as reading a book, taking a bubble bath or meeting a friend for dinner or may be a regular endeavor like taking a class or pursuing a hobby with a local club. Whatever you enjoy, make sure you carve out regular time to spend on yourself.

5. Exercise

Physical health has an immediate and clear impact on mental health. Exercise improves your physical health dramatically, provides you with greater energy and increases your longevity so you will be around for your kids and grandkids as long as possible.

6. Delegate

The mythical Super Mom may be able to do everything herself but most working women need help. Delegate tasks at home to your partner, to your kids and to hired help. In your job, delegate to your associates and team members.

7. Share

Talk to your friends and family about your stresses. For many women, simply talking to a sympathetic ear about their stress will alleviate much of it. Empathy is a salve on the busiest schedule and the most horrific day. Your support network will help you get through the worst situations.

8. Get enough sleep

When schedules are crazy, sleep is often the first thing to go. But, a good night’s sleep can make you more productive and prepare you to deal with difficult situations, so it is important to consistently carve out ample time to sleep.

9. Respond to the stress

Stress is inevitable, but the way you respond to stress is largely up to you. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing, meditation and yoga to help yourself stay calm and handle difficult situations. Get massages to keep your muscles relaxed; eat fresh healthy foods to keep your physical body in optimum condition. The best way to fight the stress is to be in ideal shape, mentally and physically.

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Advice for working mothers: don't bring work home

As a working mother, you have many demands on your time. You probably start the day much earlier than you would like to. You have to make sure that the kids are dressed and have all of the homework, supplies, lunches and other items that they’ll need throughout the day. Then you head out to work, where you frantically rush to complete projects on time and still get out at a decent hour. When the work day is finally done, it is time to head home to after-school activities, dinner, homework, bath and bed time. This doesn’t even include housework, time for paying bills or even just some time to read a good book.

That is why it is so important that you leave your work at the office when you do come home. You already have less time than you would like with the people who are most precious to you. Why spend that valuable time doing work that should be done at the office? It may seem impossible to get your work done without bringing it home, but there are some simple steps that you can take to leave your work at the office door.

Prioritize Your Day

The first thing that you should do every morning is make a list, in order of importance, of the items that you must accomplish that day. Then start with the most important item and work your way down. If you have trouble prioritizing your work, show your manager a list of all of the things that you have been asked to do. Tell your manager that you do not have time to do everything on the list, and ask him or her to prioritize the work for you. This allows you to know which projects are most important to your manager, and those projects should be the most important to you. The other projects will just have to wait until they are in a higher position on the priority list.

So many of us get caught up in clearing unimportant (but easy) items out of our in-boxes, or returning non-urgent telephone calls or emails, that we wait until late in the day to get started on the work that must be finished. Then we end up bringing that work home and wondering why we can never have a peaceful evening at home with the family. The single most important step to getting out of the office on time and with an empty briefcase is working on the most important items first. This sounds so simple, but it takes real focus to make it happen.

Just Say No

As women, we have a difficult time telling others no. We feel that we aren’t doing a good job, or that others will think badly of us, if we turn down a project. However, there are many times when you need to do just that. If you are asked to do perform a task that falls into a co-worker’s job description, replying “but that’s not my job” won’t get you anywhere (other than possibly looking for a new job). On the other hand, replying that the co-worker can help get that information more quickly and accurately than you can shows that you are a team player who wants to get the work done in the most thorough and efficient manner.

Politely refusing to do someone else’s job for them does not make you a bad employee, or a bad person. Refusing to spend hours upon hours on a project that is not a priority for your manager and/or your company shows good judgment. By selectively saying no to projects or tasks that are distractions or a waste of time, you can free up your time for the items that top your priority list. This means that you are more likely to get those items completed at the office rather than at midnight at home.

Change Your Attitude

Many working mothers are closet perfectionists. We feel that we should be able to accomplish everything on our to-do lists in a timely manner. If someone asks a working mother what her biggest fault is, she is likely to respond that she has a problem with time management. That may not be true. Instead, that mother may fail to realize that it is absolutely impossible for any one human being to accomplish everything that she has been charged with doing.

What is required is an attitude adjustment. Instead of focusing on everything that hasn’t been accomplished, focus on what has. Instead of assuming that every project must be completed immediately no matter the personal cost, consider whether a later response will suffice. In fact, consider whether the project or task even needs to be completed at all. If you can force yourself to more realistically assess how much work can and should be accomplished during your working hours, you may find that you are better at time management than you thought you were.

By prioritizing your day, remembering to say no when appropriate and focusing on doing a great job instead of being the perfect employee (or mother), you’ll find that you have much more time for what is really most important to you. Let’s face it: having more time for the people most important to you is the true measure of success.

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How to be a better mom: 5 parenting tips

Becoming a mother brings a range of roles that any stage or film actress might envy. Nurse, teacher, administrator, chauffeur, and coach are just some of the many duties a typical mom may have to perform.

But if you are a new mom or someone who is a little confused about the type of parent a mother should be, here are a few basic guidelines that may help you become a more effective mother:

1. Have integrity. From an early age, kids look up to their parents as role models and even heroes. They will learn many of their attitudes, language patterns, and behaviors from observing you. As you go about the daily events of your life, make values-based decisions. Your children need to see you respond to others in a consistent, honorable way. When you treat others with respect, they will too. If you are kind and polite, expect it from the kids as well. Integrity is perhaps the most important quality a parent can model.

2. Set good standards. Expect your kids to try hard at school, to treat authorities with courtesy, and to follow parental guidelines. When you lower the bar or issue contradictory mandates, the kids will become confused and possibly get off track. Clearly explain what you want them to do, and if applicable, tell them why. Start when they are young and they will never know to do anything else until they become teens and are exposed to other ideas and examples.

3. Be fair. Treat all your children in the same manner without favoring one over another. Be consistent in setting rules as well as issuing rewards and punishments. Kids quickly sense hypocrisy or favoritism, so do your best to treat them all the same. Don't say one thing and do another; rather, set the example as far as following the same rules yourself.

4. Have fun with them. Be sure to include time for play in your schedule. From tots to teens, your children love to see Mom laugh, and they are delighted when that laughter includes them. Read together, tell jokes, talk over the school day, wash dishes together, bathe the dog, shoot hoops, take a drive, have a milk shake. As they grow older, plan individual outings with each child to talk over dinner or go bowling, for example. Kids love being part of a family, but they want to know they matter as individuals, too.

5. Honor their father. Perhaps the greatest gift you can give your children is the gift of family security. When they see you kiss Dad or avoid a sharp argument, you reinforce their notion of unconditional love and relational forgiveness. They, in turn, will learn to base their future marriages on similar principles. Even if their father no longer lives in the home due to divorce or death, talk about him courteously, point out his good qualities, and mention the problem behaviors only when you must.

Moms play a pivotal role in children's development. Take time to reflect on your many opportunities to make family life meaningful and fun. Kids grow up quickly, and you won't get a second chance.

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Advice for working mothers: breast feeding tips

No one disputes the benefits of breast feeding anymore– it is healthier for the baby, as well as for the mother. However, in this busy day and age, trying to breast feed your baby while you are holding down a 9 to 5 job can seem a daunting task.

Before you are ready to go back to work, begin to prepare yourself and your baby. Start pumping your milk during the hours you will be working. This will help you get accustomed to your breast pump so that, once you are back at the office, you will be able to use it easily and pump swiftly. Let your baby begin taking breast milk by bottle during these hours, so that she will grow accustomed to it and you can be sure that your baby will take a bottle well once you leave her for the day.

Another benefit of starting early is that you will get a jump on storing your excess breast milk. This will ensure that your baby sitter will not run out of milk should you get stuck at the office one night. Also, if you forget your milk in the office fridge, you won’t have to worry about rushing back and forth to deliver it early in the morning because you’ll have a supply on hand in the freezer.

Breast milk can keep for up to 3 days in the refrigerator, up to two weeks in a freezer of a one-door fridge, up to 3 months in a two-door fridge, and up to 6 months in a deep freezer. Store breast milk in bottles that are labeled with the day and time it was expressed. Instruct your sitter to use them in the order they were bottled.

Remember to give your sitter clear instructions on how to prepare bottles. Breast milk should be thawed by being placed in the refrigerator for four to six hours, or by running it under cool water until thaw. It can be heated by running it under warm (not hot) tap water. Breast milk should not be left out to thaw at room temperature. It should never be put in a microwave or heated in boiling water. Unused bottles that were thawed should be discarded after 24 hours. Partially used bottles should not be refrigerated or reheated and should be discarded immediately.

When you return back to work, have a discussion with your boss about your needs to pump your breast milk. Ask if your breaks can be scheduled to meet those needs, and if there is a room with an electrical outlet where you can have some privacy to express your milk. If your office has a refrigerator for your use, make sure you keep your breast milk labeled and in a bag so that some unsuspecting co-worker does not accidentally grab it for their morning coffee. If there is no refrigerator where you work, you will need to keep a cooler stocked with ice available each day for storage. Again, make sure it is appropriately labeled and out of the way.

One of the most important investments you can make if you are going to continue breast feeding while working is in a good breast pump. Hospitals and birthing centers sometimes rent high quality pumps for reasonable prices. Beware of many inexpensive drug-store varieties of pumps, as not all pumps are created equal. Ask other working mothers or breast feeding specialists for suggestions on good brands that pump swiftly. Make sure you try out your pump and are thoroughly comfortable with it before going to work with it. If time is short, you should seriously consider a double-sided pump, so that you can express both breasts at one time.

Try to regulate your schedule so that you are pumping at around the same time each day. Your body creates breast milk as it is needed, so it will adapt to your schedule. This will help to prevent engorgement and leakage at inopportune times when you are in the office.

When you are home, afford your baby and yourself the time to nurse. One of the best things about breast milk is the bonding opportunity it offers to the nursing couple.

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Run a successful horse riding camp for kids

Being faced with about twelve children to entertain, look after, baby-sit and inform for an extended period can be a daunting task. When you throw in twelve tons of horseflesh it can be downright scary. But there are ways to keep the kids busy from dawn till dusk and leave them exhausted enough to give you minimum trouble in the evenings. Your aim over the next few days will be to cram as much horsey-information into their heads as possible. Here are a few activities that will keep them out of your hair and that are an essential part of any pony camp.

The first step of the camp, of course, is to allocate them ‘their’ ponies/horses. Make sure there is not going to be too much of a personality clash and try and suit the pony to their riding ability. Stable Management must be taught to any child that is going to be involved with horses. This will include mucking out stables using shavings as well as straw or any other form of bedding you may use. Allow at least an hour every morning for mucking out and washing feed and water buckets. Let them each feed their own ponies, and explain what types of feed each one gets and why. Also tell them that feed for horses is not limited to what yours may eat and explain the difference between the various feeds.

Cleaning tack is an essential part of riding, and a necessary evil to going to shows and owning expensive riding equipment. Take this opportunity to teach them the different parts of the tack and how they can be changed. For Example: the bit of the bridle. Teach them about different types of bits and for what discipline each is used. As well as what effect each one of them has on the horse and his performance. The same applies to saddles, martingales and safety equipment like brushing boots and bandages.

Grooming can be immense fun for the kids. Show them how to groom correctly as well as the correct terminology for the equipment. They must groom at least once a day. Allow washing of manes and tails if the weather permits as well as pulling of manes and tails. Showing them how to plait is also necessary, especially for boys! Demonstrate how a horse or pony should be turned out for a show, this will help them turn their ponies out for the end of camp show.

Cover basic veterinary. Bandaging of legs, causes and treatments of colic as well as basic cleaning of wounds and what to do to avoid your horse getting various illnesses. If you can organize it, get the farrier to come and shoe when the children are at the camp. This will allow them to see how the horses are shod, and sized for shoes.

Try and expose the children to as many different disciplines while they are on the camp as possible. Showing, dressage and cross country, while not as popular as show-jumping are all an integral part of a well schooled horse and it won’t harm the pupils to see if they enjoy each part as much as another. Try and take them to see different shows which cater for these disciples.

Lunging, free jumping and cross-country exercises with the pupils are vital in teaching them various skills. Exercises for balance, seat, and position can be done while they are on the lunge. Beware however, as you are bound to have a number of falls, though they probably won’t be serious. Free jumping is also an excellent way to help with the seat and especially for children with hard hands. If they have no reins they learn other methods of control.

Games on the ponies are inevitably a huge success. Be careful not to have young horses involved as the excitement could cause them to get overly rambunctious and either a child, or more importantly an expensive horse could be hurt. However these games teach vital skills, such as control of the horse as well as rider skills.

Most of all keep the kids busy and make it fun for them. Take them to studs or on other horse orientated outings to places they don’t see all the time. Treasure hunts, ni

ght rides and picnic rides though, nerve wracking to organize, are always fun and the children will always appreciate the change.

Allow time to go over theory and quiz them on what they have learnt so far. Allow for two rides/lessons a day, as well as theory time, and try to have awards you give out at the end of the camp for the highest marks, best team (if you have split into teams), best stable management etc. A final day show is a great way for the kids to show off for their parents and earn themselves and you some brownie points.

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Midwife education

Perhaps your friend just had a baby and you think it would be great to deliver babies yourself. Or maybe the birth of your own children has spurred you toward a new goal in life. Becoming a midwife will provide with a rich rewarding experience no matter what your reason for pursuing it.

First consideration if you want to become a midwife is what kind of midwife you would like to be. The training required of the various types is pretty diverse and how your own schedule would work with it must be considered.

A direct-entry or lay midwife does homebirths in most cases, though they have been known to work in free-standing birth centers as well. Usually an apprenticeship is the path to take for this kind of training. A local midwife could help you out in many cases. They often need an assistant, and though it probably won't pay any money, it is nearly a free education. You get hands-on experience in the real world.

Along with an apprenticeship is textbook knowledge. Hands-on is crucial but there is also knowledge that needs to be learned, most especially the anatomy and physiology of labor and delivery.

Some programs can offer both hands-on experience and textbook training. They sometimes come in the form of a midwifery school that has on-site training.

Another possibility is having a local midwife help you with the practical part of your education while you gain valuable midwifery knowledge through a distance education format.

If nursing is more your line of work, then pursuing a certified nurse-midwife,CNM, degree will be the best choice for you. This entails becoming a registered nurse first and then gaining practical experience as an R.N. in a hospital. The reason for this is that knowing various medical conditions can also be part of being a midwife and working in a hospital provides this.

After obtaining some experience on the job more formal education will follow. Many states require a degree at a masters level and that takes several years of training beyond a bachelors degree.

Which path you choose might depend on your personal schedule and what interests you the most. A lay midwife has a more natural approach and less medical interventions are brought to birth. A CNM can practice the same way but with more medical options.

If you have very young children you will need to consider child care. Either route will demand you have reliable care so you can leave home at a moment's notice to attend a birth.

Having a supportive spouse helps as well or nearby family who would help you in your venture. The more help the better in this situation.

Cost is another factor to consider. Becoming a lay midwife is significantly cheaper than the nursing route and will also be a quicker path to being a midwife.

No matter which path you take on your journey, becoming a midwife can provide a unique life experience comparable to no other. A love for women and babies is at the heart of it all.

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