Conflict resolution in the workplace

Office conflict, office politics, office negotiating… we've all been through it and not always successfully.

I've heard many versions of "conflict resolution" workshops. However, in my experience only of some of it works.

To be honest, I'm kind of a sour, bad humored person in most situations. Yet invariably in many different environments I was chose by my peers to be the "conflict resolver". Why? Over time I figured out my own way of dealing with office conflicts that seems to work.

I can't say that every conflict resolution course is wrong, but in my experience, this is what works best:

Be yourself. If you've worked on learning conflict resolution, you've heard the advice to elicit a response by saying things like "tell me how that makes you feel" or "I hear what you're saying". In my opinion, that's terrible advice. Anybody's BS meter will go off the chart when they here that type of phase. They'll immediately think, "oh boy, here comes some of his dime store psychology". The idea is solid - figure out what the person is feeling, figure out what their issues are, demonstrate concern about what they want, and keep them talking. However you HAVE to use your own words and your own style. Nothing shuts down a person like the perception that you're either phony or trying to "workshop" them. It IS critical to elicit responses and give the person a forum to speak their mind - but learn to do it by being yourself.

Figure out the real problem. Why do people get into fierce battles over the dumbest things? I've seen people yell and scream and come to tears battling over desk positioning. If you're wise, you'll figure out what the real problem is. Sure, sometimes people have little things that they really care about. But nine times out of ten the real problem is deeper. What it often comes down to is, "why does HE get his way all the time?". Or "why do I always have to sacrifice when no when else does?". You might be surprised to find that when push comes to shove the reason someone won't move their desk is a deep feeling that person A ALWAYS gets the breaks, and person B is simply putting their foot down. A conflict often means somebody thinks they are getting taken advantage of. Just like a two kids who argue endlessly over who's piece of pie is bigger the bottom line is often really how bit the pie is, but who's getting an unfair advantage and who's getting the short end of the stick.

Get people talking. How do you figure out the real problems? Talk to people. I suggest NOT doing it in a group. Go one on one. In a group people tend to modulate their feelings or get defensive. One on one you can talk to a person and see what's really getting at them. Groups also tend to cause trouble when people really let it rip and end up causing more hurt than existed in the first place. Once you've talked to people one on one and really felt them out, then you might want to bring them together and come to a common conclusion - work on modulating conflict and not dredging dirt.

If you're management, do it yourself. Nothing is easier than delegating inter-worker conflicts off to one of the workers. Bad move. If they are bad at it, the problem will stay or get worse. If they are good at it, you've undermined your own credibility. Face the issue and deal with it.

Getting peoples feelings out means nothing without follow through. The whole process is meaningless if you're not committed to trying to come to solid conclusions. Don't treat conflict resolution like something to get past for one moment in time. A conflict generally represents something that's been festering a while. Get it out, deal with it, and come to solid conclusion everyone can live with over the long term. Otherwise you'll be right back where you started. And in fact, nothing can ferment future problems like having everyone speak their mind without reaching any conclusions.

If you're a manager, carefully think through the legitimacy of what you're enforcing. Conflict arises when a person doesn't want to accept what is going on around them. Often that is the result of a coworker, but it is also often the result of management rules. Make sure your rules aren't arbitrary. If a worker(s) has a serious and long standing complaint about an issue, tell them you'll think it over. And then do so. Ask why they think the policy is unfair and then consider alternatives. Ask them in good faith to come up with viable alternatives, making sure, however, that they understand that your consideration doesn't mean you'll necessarily change the policy.

Don't compromise the principles of your organization. It makes a lot of sense to compromise and to seek the middle ground. However, you need to make it clear that some things are non-negotiable. Don't compromise the long-term health of your organization. If you've considered everything and believe that some things must stay the way they are, explain your reasons and then stick with it. This applies both to a situation between management and workers and between workers themselves. Not every rule or every situation will be loved by all. Trying to please everyone is both impossible and unhealthy.

Don't play favorites. Of course you have favorites. But don't let that change how you deal with people in these situations As a professor, I had students I liked more than others. Period. But I tried never to treat them differently from the others and when it came time to grade them, I made it clear to everyone that love you or hate you, you'll be graded on the basis of your results. Don't let personal favoritism color your impartiality. It's not wrong to like some people more. It's wrong to act on that in an unfair way.

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Eye makeup tips for teens: subtle looks for interviews

Eye Makeup for Teens—Subtle Looks for Interviews

You’ve endured years of babysitting and lawn-mowing supplemented by a measly allowance. You’ve finally gotten your parents to agree to an after-school or summer job, and you’ve scheduled the interview. You’re on the way to having a real job, in the real world, with real pay! It all hinges on first impressions, and looking your best is more important now than ever before.

The theme for teen interview makeup is fresh, young, vibrant, and clean! You don’t want to look like a 40 year old business woman, and that’s okay—you’re prospective boss doesn’t want that for you either! The boss also doesn’t want you to look like Christina Aguilera a-la-“Dirrty,” either. Some things you’ll (usually) want to avoid: heavy glitter makeup; dark, smudgy eyeliner; screaming, neon-ish, candy colors; and anything that says “baby” (read: no glue-on sparklies).

For starters, you’ll want to take good care of your skin! All the makeup in the world can’t make-up for a poor complexion. A skin care routine for healthy skin has 5 steps—cleanse with a good cleanser, exfoliate with a cool mask, freshen with a toner that isn’t too harsh, hydrate with a light and non-oily moisturizer, and protect with a light foundation. Some cleansers on the market today simplify the process by offering a 3-in-1 cleanser. No matter what products you get, look for these five steps. Follow the program morning and night to keep your skin looking its best. Remember, when you start a skin care program, it is normal to see a few breakouts over the first 2 weeks as your skin releases long-held toxins. If you’re still breaking out after 3 weeks, you need to change products.

Now that you’re skin is fresh and vibrant, it’s time to protect it with a great foundation. Some companies offer a “dual-coverage powder foundation”—a sheer powder that can be applied dry as a powder, or with a damp sponge to dry into a sheer, light foundation. A quality foundation will protect your pores from pollution, smoke, and dust, without clogging your pores. If you don’t use a powder foundation, you’ll want to make sure you “set” your foundation by applying a loose or pressed powder over it. A note about shade selection: use a shade that matches or is a hair lighter than your skin tone. Never go darker! Apply a light blush to your cheeks, and a light gloss with a hint of color to your lips. A great foundation, cheek color, and lip gloss will bring out your eyes in a beautiful way!

You’ll want eye makeup that is natural-looking. For something super-simple, try a cream or liquid eye color in a shade like bronze or vanilla. Smooth a lighter shade along the entire eyelid. Then smooth a tiny bit of the darker shade into your crease. Take a darker powder shadow, and use a fine-tipped brush to line the eyes without the harsh look of a pencil eyeliner. Top it off with a great mascara, and you’re good to go!

Want something a little more dramatic, but still tasteful? For a teen-glam look, you’ll want three eye colors. Apply a super light color (pale pink, pale peach, or off-white) under your brow bone and above the lash line to the crease. A little shimmer is okay, but don’t go overboard with sparkle! Next, apply a medium-neutral color along the crease of the eye, starting from the outside and working in. This midtone color could be a soft brown, rose, or peach, and should coordinate with your first color. Third is your highlight color, and this is where you can bring a little sparkle, individuality, and brightness into your look. Instead of an eyeliner pencil, which can sometimes appear harsh and fake, apply a bit of your third color along your upper and lower lash lines. Then highlight the outside half of your crease with this color. Your highlight color can be a little more bold, and here is where you can bring in fun colors like lavender, light blue, green, and gold. The next step is super-important—BLEND, BLEND, BLEND! When using multiple eye colors, it is important that you blend your colors well to avoid looking artificial! Then, for extra-long looking lashes, try “minking” your eyes. Apply a coat of a lengthening brown mascara to your lashes. Then follow-up on the tips of your lashes with black mascara! The results—WOW!

Depending on where you’re applying for a job, you can play with these looks a bit. If you’ll be working outside, you’ll want to stick to the super-simple look, with waterproof mascara and natural colors that look great in the sunlight. Working inside in a well-lit environment? Try the super-simple look, or do the teen-glam look with muted colors. Working inside in a darker place, like a sports pub/restaurant or as a waitress on the night shift? Try the teen-glam look, and use a darker color for your liner for that subtly smudged look. Working somewhere festive, where party makeup is appropriate? A little extra shimmer can be fun!

Work-appropriate makeup doesn’t have to be dull or a drag. Using these tips, and a little common sense, you can create makeup looks that let YOU do the shining… not your makeup!

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Money Topics: Financial Tips for Women

Women remain stuck behind economic barriers that put them in economic jeopardy—barriers that have been built from cultural messages that have created a psychological mindset in women, preventing them from getting and using money to their best advantage.

According to the Women's Institute for a Secure Retirement (WISER):

* Three out of four working women earn less than $25,000 year.

* Nine out of ten working women earn less than $40,000.

* Half of all women work in traditionally female, relatively low paid jobs without pensions.

* Women's earnings average 74 cents for every dollar earned by a man—a lifetime loss of over $250,000.

Women also change jobs more often, are more likely to leave the workforce to care for children or parents, are more conservative with their money, and save less.

Ruth Hayden, a nationally-known financial expert, contends a woman's money belief system directly affects her behavior with money. As president and CEO of Ruth L. Hayden and Associates, Inc., a financial planning firm, Hayden says cultural messages have created a money belief system for women that she identified in her book How to Turn Your Money Life Around: The Money Book for Women.

Hayden defines money beliefs as emotional responses to childhood money training that often keep women from adopting positive money management skills. The cultural message women receive as girls is: "You don't have to take care of yourself financially." And many women don't.

In 1995 the National Center for Women and Retirement Research (NCWRR) conducted the Women Cents Study, sampling 1,100 women between the ages of 21 and 75 from across the country to explore their financial decision-making process from a psychological vantage point. It found that while women are increasingly adopting healthy attitudes about money, psychological traits prevent them from acting on those beliefs.

The study reported that fear of failure and fear of the unknown are the biggest obstacles to a woman's financial success. More than half—54 percent—of the woman surveyed said they postponed financial decisions for fear of making a mistake and 58 percent worry after making a big money decision. Seventy-four percent said lack of knowledge about how to select financial instruments is the biggest stumbling block to becoming more active investors.

The Women Cents study also showed a direct correlation between a woman's personality characteristics and her financial habits. It reported that assertiveness, openness to change and an optimistic outlook are the qualities that tend to lead to smart money choices.

For instance, out of the 58 percent of women who said they feel in control of the direction their life is taking, 56 percent save and invest on a monthly basis and 33 percent make saving and investing for retirement a top priority. In contrast, of the 42 percent who don't feel in control of the direction their life is taking, only 39 percent save and invest regularly and only 17 percent make saving and investing for retirement a priority.

The study illustrates that women's economic future is held captive by their attitudes and beliefs about money and the results are daunting. Statistics from the Women Cents Study show why it's vital for women to pay attention to pension issues:

* Women are less likely to receive a pension and those who do receive a pension get half as much as men.

* In 1995, Social Security was the sole source of income for 18 percent of unmarried women 65 and older; 33 percent depended on it for at least 90 percent of their income.

* Over 58 percent of female baby boomers have less than $10,000 saved in a pension plan or 401(k) plan. In comparison, male boomers have saved three times more in pension programs.

* Among women 35 to 55 years old, between one-third and two-thirds will be impoverished by age 70.

* The average female born between 1946 and 1964 will likely be in the work force until she is 74 years old due to inadequate financial savings and pension coverage and will not have adequate resources to maintain the same standard of living prior to age 65

Hayden thinks paying attention and financial planning are the most important things women can do to break down the money barriers in their lives. "By paying attention," said Hayden, "we bring to money the same sense of clarity, the same sense of intelligence, the same sense of intuitiveness that we bring to other parts of life." It is that kind of attention backed by a good financial plan that will help women rebuild their financial future and put them on the road to greater economic security.

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Prepare to be a stay at home mom: jobs

Picture that black and white world of June Cleaver, the husband returning home from work to a spotless house, dinner waiting and the kids well-behaved and just waiting for the friendly-fatherly advice. Now shake your head and get a reality grip - this isn’t the world of television and you’d be so lucky to have your household like that at the end of day. In this day and age, the stereotypes of TV-land still exist in the minds of many a man (and women). If you are looking to become a stay-at home mom, you need to prepare yourself for what it’ll really be like.Rid yourself of those fantasies or you’ll be heading into disaster. When so many moms are choosing to stay home and raise their children, few are prepared for the mental and emotional strain it can cause. But all is not lost - with the right preparation and organization, you can have that picture-perfect world and more.

The life of a SAHM is truly a world that you need to enter with your eyes wide open. You will be responsible for your child, or children, and be their main influence until they enter school. You will be with them 24/7, monitoring their actions, behaviors, speech - everything will come down on you to set the proper example. There’s no blaming the daycare system or the babysitter - you’re it. There’s no magical maid showing up to clean away the dishes from the morning or the pile of toys scattered through the house from kitchen to the upstairs bathroom. And no, you won’t have time to eat bonbons and read romance novels - you will need to be in control of your household from Day 1 to succeed as a SAHM. Here are a few tips to ease you into this world, but in the end, you need to create your own path.

Be confident in your position - you are a mother and no one can take that away from you. Be an example to your children and teach them right from wrong every day. Your children will need guidance every day in everything they do-be there as a helping hand to their development. You will watch them grow before your eyes in so many ways, and you’ll enjoy their company-even on those days you’re ready to pull your hair out. Understand that as much as you’re adjusting to a new world with them as the center, so they are watching you as their role model in everything from eating to cleaning to talking. Don’t forget or a reminder of a bad day will come back to haunt you unwillingly.

The house is just a matter of organization. You have to learn that housework won’t wait, but if you make yourself a fairly flexible schedule, you won’t be bogged down with a filthy house and chores up to your neck. Utilize also your little helpers - children love to help and learn, and what better way to teach them about maintaining a clean home than to have them help you. Little jobs like sorting laundry, or folding towels are like a game to them, but it teaches them how to be constructive, and tidy. And always make sure they help in the clean up of their own areas. But don’t let housework interfere with small things like playtime with your child - you should always have time for that. Your child is only that young once and dishes can wait an extra half hour while you read stories or do a puppet show.

Remember this is your home and you have to live up to your standards and no one else’s. Don’t try to imitate people’s homes that have no children, or families who’s children are at daycare all week - you’ll be disappointed. Your home is lived in, day in and day out, and it will show. But wear it as a badge of pride, for you have taken on a challenge many couldn’t or wouldn’t. The pay is terrible, and the thanks are few and far between, but it will be rewarding in itself as you watch your child grow and flourish in your care. And classify yourself a household manager, when it comes to job description if asked, because few can manage a home, children, husband and keep their sanity, but if you can, you have manage it all. June Cleaver never had it so good.

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Learn how to be a successful woman

How can I be a successful woman? You can start by never being a victim. This article aims its message at those women who strive to be strong, independent women. Women should always try to be self-reliant. Many times the only thing separating a woman from success is her level of self-esteem. Sadly, so many women view themselves as subservient or worth less than men.

Many times this is because of a lack of education or work experience. So many homemakers especially view themselves as "just Moms and housewives".

This is a dangerous way in which to view our accomplishments. The jobs that a homemaker or mom is responsible are among the most important in the world. If we as citizens give credit where credit is due, as well as wages, then this would be the highest paid social class by far. Sadly, this is not the case

Any woman who runs a house is qualified to be a CEO. Just poll women, they will confirm this. Too often the role of women is that of nursemaid and maid. Although many of us women truly love our role of caregiver, others want to be recognized as much more- a successful woman!

We need to have other "normal" women as role models. When we see intelligent and very successful women that were homemakers and "nursemaids" if you will, that is when women will no longer have to strive to be a success.

A good role model is what can mold a woman into a strong, well-defined woman. Not all of us are lucky enough to have had a strong influence from the women in our lives, though. Mentors are also a priceless commodity to any woman.

By forming a sense of community and sisterhood, women are able to accomplish so much. In this manner, women are also able to inspire the young women of tomorrow with visions of success. The best vision for a young girl to have is that of a good education.

An education is the best defense for any problem that a woman may encounter with her self-confidence and self-esteem. This is also the best defense against remaining reliant or dependent on anyone for her care. Women that are a success are not just corporate executives, but also homemakers. Be leaders in your community so that young girls see that they can emulate your success.

Young girls are not the only ones who should see their mothers and other female community member's being visible leaders, but so too should young men. When a man is raised by a strong woman that instills a sense of respect for women, he is better prepared for life in this new century that is filled with a need for continued equal rights.

A woman who prepares her son in this manner is also giving him the best gift- a better chance at a successful relationship or marriage. Men that see their wives as equals and whom show them respect are much less likely to experience relational difficulties with women.

Through education, community, and self-esteem, men and women can both work together to form a community that will be a much better world for our youth.

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