Business trips, field trips and trips to the grocery store. Dry cleaners, clean laundry, cleaning house, house warmings and open house. Phone bills, billable hours, hours and hours of homework, and work to do at home. Today’s women have enough stress to put them over the edge. They are spread thin with responsibilities and stretched to the limit with the demands of family, career and home. They have been conditioned by traditional upbringing to conquer their household chores: cleanliness is next to godliness. Their hearts tell them to be a good wife, a good mother and a good daughter, and at the same time, their minds require that they be intellectually stimulated by a challenging career. In many cases, economics require that the woman hold a full-time job outside the home.
If you are one of these women and you feel as though you are about to self-destruct, you are not alone. Many women feel that they are doing a lot, but not doing any one thing well. Day by day, they are confronted with challenges that seem to pile up. There is an overwhelming sense of feeling incomplete, of not finishing what is started, and of being unsure of or feeling insecure about her accomplishments. They know that they take on too much, but they do not know how to make life’s hectic merry-go-round slow down enough to get off.
The following stress management tips for women are five steps toward taking control of your life. Begin with these, and once you complete them, the rest should fall into place.
1. Learn to say “No”.
There are only twenty four hours in a day. Eight hours are set aside for sleep, approximately two hours for eating, and if you work full time, add eight more hours for work and about one-and-a-half-hours for commuting. That does not leave much time for family and home.
If for you, the answer to the question, “are you on overload?” is “yes”, then learn to say “no”. Cut out unnecessary activities, limit your telephone calls, trim your social calendar, and do not feel compelled to chair every organization’s committee or event. Activities can certainly go on without you. Learn to share or delegate responsibilities when you cannot avoid them, by having confidence in the abilities of others.
Prioritize your time and put you and your family first. There will always be other opportunities for philanthropic work and for saving the world, but children only grow up once. Be choosy. If it is your child’s school that calls you to service, consider involvement there, on a reasonable level. Children love to see their parents take an active role in their education.
2. Make family time.
After learning to say “no” and clearing your calendar, set aside time that is for family only. Designate special family nights or even entire weekends when you can spend quality time together. Pop popcorn and have a movie-viewing marathon on a rainy day, or go out for pizza. Bake cookies and decorate them. Spend the day at the beach or sightseeing in the city. Plant a vegetable garden or build a snowman. Read a long book aloud together, one chapter per week. Host a board game tournament or go on an all day outing. Go camping or visit a museum. Take a long drive or a short vacation. Whatever the activity, be sure that it is limited to your immediate family, and that there is an opportunity for conversation, laughing and fun.
At home, turn off the telephones, the television, the pager and the computer, and make it an old-fashioned, low-tech family day. Family meetings provide a golden opportunity for exchanging ideas, expressing feelings and keeping in touch. In addition, you will reap the added benefit of communicating with your children, and they will appreciate the attention.
3. Set aside time for your spouse (or significant other).
Now that you have blocked out time for your family, be sure not to forget your spouse. While it is important to spend time with your children, it is also important to maintain your relationship as a couple. And, as long as you do devote enough quality time to your children, there should be no guilt in spending a little bit of time without them.
First, hire a babysitter. Be sure it is someone you trust, and that it is someone who is mature, responsible and capable. If you feel that your children are in good hands, you are more apt to relax and enjoy your time away from them.
Make a date with your spouse – a romantic night out on the town, complete with dining and dancing, or go out to dinner and a movie. Laughing is a big stress buster. Plan activities that are fun and that have giggling potential. Try candlelight bowling, miniature golfing, roller or ice skating, or a visit to an amusement park. If too much structure means added stress for you, then a spontaneous picnic in the park or a long drive are better options. The key here is just to spend some time alone with your spouse, and have an opportunity to talk, to laugh and to enjoy each other.
4. Indulge in “your” time.
When both your children and spouse are covered, it is finally time to think of you. Though connecting with your family is important, it is critical that you care for yourself, physically and emotionally. Make time for a relaxing manicure, pedicure, or therapeutic massage. Steamy, hot bubble baths are especially soothing. Add soft music and the glow and aroma of scented candles, and you are sure to release some of the day’s stress. Long walks are particularly thought provoking and calming, or join an exercise class for some strenuous stress relief. Sip flavored coffee or chamomile tea by a fireplace, learn to meditate, or treat yourself to reading a thick romance novel.
Appeal to your intellect, expand your knowledge and enrich your life by joining a book club. The same holds true for enrolling in a course. Just be sure to choose a subject that you enjoy, and does not take too much time away from your family (that would be two steps backward).
Participate in an occasional girls’ night out. Though you have already trimmed your social calendar, it is important to maintain some contact with your female friends. Women need other women for emotional support, and there is nothing like a best friend who understands you and confides in you.
5. Get rid of negative forces of energy.
After saying “no” and making time for yourself and your family, try to stay positive. Make this possible by getting rid of forces of energy that drain you. For instance, people who are continually negative or who turn to gossip can bring you down. This is a blow to self-esteem and is a time waster (and you already know how valuable time is). If suggestions to be more positive do not work, the best path is to gently distance yourself from these sources.
If the draining force of energy is not a person, it could be the feeling of being disorganized. When it is physical clutter that creates stress, the solution is sometimes as simple as hiring someone to clean or organize your home. In addition, it frees up time for you to spend with your family.
Finally, if the negative force is something inside of you, confront it and rid yourself of it. Commit to a diet and exercise program to shed unwanted pounds, work to overcome fears or attempt to mend a family feud. Once you remove these negative forces, you can gather up enough positive energy to move ahead.
Congratulations! By following the aforementioned tips, you should have eliminated a great deal of stress. It is now up to you to realize that it is unreasonable to expect perfection. Just sit back, relax, do your best, and take control of your life.
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