MYTH: Mothers who choose to work are selfish because they are not putting the needs of their children first.
Some women work because they enjoy their career, and working simply makes them happier people. This does not make them any more selfish than a father who works at a career. The fact is that working mothers are statistically healthier and suffer less from depression than non-working mothers. If a mother is truly unhappy, the child will become aware of this and it will put a strain on the child/parent relationship, even if the mother is home. If a woman finds self-fulfillment in a career and pursues it, there will only be more of herself to give to her baby, not less. As long as the child is in a nurturing, safe, loving environment while the mother is at work, and the mother makes it a point to set aside quality time to spend with the child, a mother who works by choice is not depriving her child any more than a mother who works by necessity.
In addition, a working mother is setting an example for their children about learning how to balance responsibilities, taking pride in one’s work and the importance of being a productive, self-relying individual. If a woman needs to work, out of financial necessity or for personal fulfillment, she need not feel guilty for her choice.
MYTH: Unless your family is rich, you need to go to work.
REALITY: Most mothers who work do work claim to work out of necessity rather than choice. They simply feel that a second income is imperative in order to pay bills and provide basic necessities to their family. For a single mother, this is probably true. However, in a two-parent, two-income family, the choice to work must be examined very carefully.
The sad truth is, a lot of mothers who work, wish that they didn’t have to. And what is sadder is, they may not realize that they probably don’t have to. If you happen to be one of those mothers who dreams of being a stay-at-home-mom, consider this: by working, are you really coming out ahead?
A lot needs to be analyzed to answer this question. First, you must add up all of the expenses that come from working. Obvious expenses are day care/baby sitters, travel costs, and work clothing/supplies. But there are many hidden costs to take into consideration. For example, does your family eat out more because you work? Do you find yourself paying higher bills for services that you don’t have time to do yourself or wouldn’t need if you weren’t working, such as laundry, dry cleaning, lawn care and basic home upkeep/repairs? Don’t forget that you cannot take tax deductions on your second income, yet it may be pushing your family into a higher tax bracket. When you compare all of these things to your weekly salary, are you really coming out ahead? The sad reality is that, especially in lower income jobs, many women actually come out behind– it can cost more to work than to stay home.
If you find that staying home would allow you to cut out expenses (day care, travel, extra vehicle payments/insurance, eating out, convenience services, etc.) that are equal to or more than your salary, you could probably arrange to quit or cut down on work. If that is what you want to do, don’t let anyone guilt you into keeping a job you don’t want.
MYTH: A child’s home life must be very bad if he prefers day care.
REALITY: Advocates of stay-at-home mothering will pull out the debate on how a happy child could not possibly prefer an institution to his own home with his mother. However, think about this: do you go to work, or visit with your friends, because your home life is miserable? Probably not. So why should your children only want to get out because they don’t like being home with you?
Look at a model of a good day care: it is clean, cheerful, stocked with toys, filled with a caring staff and other children to play with, and lots of enjoyable activities available. Doesn’t exactly sound like a pit of despair, does it? If your child enjoys day care, don’t feel guilty that you haven’t been able to stay home and create a wonderland– be happy that both you and your child are satisfied with your situation.
MYTH: If a mother goes back to work too soon, her baby will not bond with her adequately.
REALITY: The mother/child bond is forged by quality time together, not quantity. A working mother has to learn to ration her time and balance her responsibilities, but as long as a child receives love and attention from mother when she is around, bonding will take place.
The reality is that a woman who stays home with her children is not automatically a good parent. Good parenting is not about where you spend your day, but how you spend it. Working hard at making a good life for yourself and your children is what is important. If you care about your child, make sure that she is happy and in a nurturing environment when you are not around, and that you are setting aside enough quality time for her, your child will know that you care and won’t be able to help bonding with you.
MYTH: Working mothers cannot continue to breast feed their babies. It is too difficult.
REALITY: A woman can continue to breast feed when she goes back to work, all she needs to do is a little preparation. There are many good breast pumps on the market that can express milk within 15 minutes. A woman can express milk on her breaks, keep her breast milk in a refrigerator or cooler, and freeze it for up to three months.
Like any other aspect of a working mother’s life, breast feeding can become a part of it with balance and planning.
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