Are Women Afraid Of Criticism?

Running From Criticism Is Not A Good Thing!

Ann Handley, on the MarketingProfs blog, says, “I’ve noticed an overwhelming number of male “commenters,” but far fewer female commenters.” Why does this happen on her blog? And I ask, “Why does it happen in meetings? Why does it happen most any time men and women are in a public forum?” Admit it, we’ve all noticed men enjoy taking the floor, expounding their views, and combating any vitriolic comments hurled at them. Women—reading that last sentence—are probably already withering at the idea of setting themselves up for this type of verbal combat. But we’ve got to start doing this more and using our logic to show where the criticisms may be in error. And, for the worst-case scenario, if we see they’re right, let’s admit it and move on. It’s usually not life or death. My advice to women is Stop Fearing Criticism!

Why are men better at letting criticism roll off their backs? (I know I should say “generally better,” but forget about that! Go ahead, criticize me!) The answer is sports! We can credit some of this to the sports boys play. They get used to coaches yelling at them and accept that this is how they’ll improve at a sport. After a while, they don’t take it personally. Maybe this is where Title IX (gender equality in sports) will help girls the most. The more sports they play, the stronger they’ll become—physically as well as personally.

How should you deal with criticism that comes your way? Business consultant Pat Heim instructs women to draw a box around it and then let it go. You can do this in three steps:

1. Tell yourself, “The criticism is this person’s opinion about this behavior at this time.”
2. Consider the source of the criticism. Analyze if the attacker was motivated by a need to undermine you, or a need to help you.
3. Figure out what you need to learn from this event and then drop it.

This last point is key. If you can’t let go of the criticism, several things can happen:

1. It may damage your relationships with others. (You can obsess about it and read into a coworker’s behavior a negative agenda.)
2. It can undermine your colleagues’ confidence in your abilities. (Men may perceive you as weak if you “can’t take the heat” or “learn from your mistakes.”)
3. It can put you at risk of further attacks. (Once a man realizes you’re vulnerable, he may attack you again—just part of his competitive game.)
4. It can reinforce negative self-talk (a debilitating habit that undermines confidence).

You can’t avoid criticism, so stop running from it. The best advice is to learn from the criticism and then just let it go.

Tip: Promise yourself right now that the next time you have an opportunity to speak your mind, you won’t run the other way.

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